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 ©2002 by Annabeth Meister
If you believe that you must have closure, what happens when those who wronged you go unpunished? What if they are acquitted, or if they elude capture, or you don't know who did it, or if the thing that was done is not even against the law? What if it were long ago and the person is dead or has disappeared from your life? What if you confront them, even repeatedly, and they simply won't acknowledge that what they did was harmful? Are you then stuck for the rest of your life with an aching sense of unfulfillment or unfinished business due to this mental attachment to the idea of closure? 
What does seem to bring peace is forgiveness. People who have had the courage to work their way through past wrongs to forgiveness are happy and free. They are no longer troubled by their history, nor do they feel like victims. They stop feeling alienated from the Divine and from humanity, reclaiming their kinship with All That Is. The rewards of forgiveness are many, but it is admittedly far from an easy task. Forgiveness is not usually instantaneous but instead is a process that takes time, commitment, effort, and even prayer. I have, however, found a number of flower remedies that support people who want the peace of mind that forgiveness brings. In the early years, with only the Bach remedies in my repertory, I didn't have
much luck in helping clients with forgiveness issues. I would give them Willow for
resentment and Holly for hate, sometimes for months at a time, and even the most
willing did not seem to make substantial progress toward forgiving and releasing
their wounds. They did change in positive ways, most notably in not accumulating
new resentments in the present and thus having better connections with those around
them. The pattern of being an injustice collector, obsessively chewing on current
grievances, certainly diminished. Forgiving long-ago wrongs, however, did not
Two forgiveness remedies that are very potent are Salal (pictured here) by Pacific Essences and Mountain Wormwood by the Alaskan Flower Essence Project. Since I almost always give them together in the same remedy mixture, I have a hard time distinguishing between them. The companies' descriptions also do not help separate them, since they only discuss the very real benefits of forgiveness. However, I do find that mixing the two together is more potent than either remedy given on its own. It was one thing to give these two remedies to clients -- who clearly benefited -- and
quite another to experience them myself. Out of desperation, I took them in a
situation where I had lost my temper with an extremely provocative client. I was
having trouble forgiving her and also forgiving myself for what I felt was
unprofessional behavior. I had to deal with her again in a day or two, so
It worked quickly but had unforeseen side effects that I wasn't especially thrilled about at the time. I found myself forgiving folks indiscriminantly, individuals I had no intention of letting off the hook, even those who in no way deserved it! A parade of people, living and dead, marched through my nightly dreams saying, "We understand you're having a special on forgiveness. Could we get in on that?" In the end, several important past relationships were healed and the connections renewed. By now I can't even recall why we were estranged, but consider myself blessed to have these individuals back in my life. 
One reason some people are unwilling to forgive is that the attention and sympathy they gain for having been a victim becomes a reward in itself. They become overly-attached to the drama of their story, feeling it makes them important, somehow. Unfortunately, the laws of metaphysics ensure that if you cling to the image of yourself as a victim, then you continue to attract experiences where you once again are victimized. Pictured here is Southern Cross, an Australian Bush Flower Essence offering which is extremely helpful for those who see themselves as victims. It helps release that destructive self-concept and replaces it with an awareness of your power -- and your responsibility -- to create your own reality. Additionally, if clinging to your victim story has become a way of getting attention, then perhaps Bach's Heather would be appropriate.  Forgiveness is hard work, no two ways about it, and you may very well wind up facing things about yourself and your part in the situation that you'd just as soon not know. However, the lightness and freedom that forgiveness brings is immeasurable. So much energy that was bound up in obsessing on the past becomes available for living more fully and joyously in the present. Even if you think you are not willing to tackle forgiveness or that it is impossible, try some of the remedies described here. You may surprise yourself! ABOUT THE AUTHOR: ANNABETH MEISTER is a longtime essence practitioner and therapist now retired into private life. She occasionally graces our pages with articles based on her many years of experience, and we are always glad when she does. The rest of the time she grows prize-winning irises and dahlias and pursues other joys of life as a senior citizen. ART CREDITS: Border and graphics based on art from Micrografx and Art Today To see AFEP's photo of mountain wormwood, click here. The photo of southern cross was from Ashanti.net.
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Even people who succeed in getting closure may not find satisfaction in it.
Have you not seen interviews with people who witnessed the executions of those who
killed their loved ones? Many of them say they feel empty afterwards, as though
the person's death was not enough. The closure that seemed so essential, then,
may very well not bring inner peace.
generally follow, so I began looking at remedies from other companies.
I began taking the mixture every couple of hours like Rescue Remedy.