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 Our first question is, "Are same-sex relationships different from other relationships?" At first glance, it's easy to minimize the differences, because the similarities are so great. Qualities such as clear communication, honesty, trust, support, mutual respect, and adequate personal space are fundamental parts of every relationship. Let's look more deeply, then, and see how the challenges and opportunities facing individuals in same-sex relationships might be unique and different. Some of these are inherent in the nature of the relationship itself, while others derive from the societal context in which it takes place. 
First, our society offers virtually no acceptable model for healthy, same-sex relationships. Until very recently, mainstream society didn't acknowledge that such relationships could even exist, much less that they could be happy and fulfilling. This lack of viable models has forced same-sex partners to come up with their own forms of relating. In one sense, this is a blessing because it forces them to experiment with what works and to construct relationships based on personal needs and desires. Instead of striving to live up to some idealized image of how they "should" be, same-sex partners often create forms that are new, creative, and highly innovative. In fact, many characteristics that mark successful same-sex relationships -- such as freedom from rigid gender-based roles and a more equal sharing of responsibilities -- have actually filtered back into society at large where they've helped to enrich and transform the whole concept of relationship. At the same time, there are challenges.  One challenge, especially for those who are young or new to relationship, is that "starting from scratch" works best when those involved already have a strong understanding of their own needs and desires. This degree of self-awareness usually comes only with time and experience -- and the process of getting there often demands a great deal of patience, flexibility, and self-examination. There are some essences that help. (All the listed essences, except where noted, are Earthfriends') Mistflower encourages us to be gentle and accepting of ourselves and our partners, to speak our own truths, and to allow space for making mistakes and learning from them. It often helps couples who have become "stuck" on a particular incident to forgive, forget, and move on. 
Lenten Rose helps people to discard outdated concepts or behaviors, to remain flexible, and to embrace new ways of being. It helped Bill and George to recognize that the "husband/wife" roles they'd accepted as "what couples are supposed to look like" didn't really work for them at all. Empress Tree encourages us to approach any situation or relationship with creativity and inspiration. (These examples involve the Southeastern flower remedies with which I'm most familiar. I encourage you to think about how to address the same issues with the remedy repertoires most familiar to you.) Another challenge is homophobia, both internalized and in the world. Growing up in a society that either condemns or just barely tolerates same-sex love inevitably leaves scars. Even in the most well-adjusted couples, these old wounds can show up during times of crisis as intense self-doubt, fear, and feelings of inadequacy or futility. These times call for strong medicine. Fernleaf Yarrow is one of the most powerful supporters of self-esteem and self-confidence. It's an excellent antidote to thoughts like, "They were right--we can't be happy together," or, "I'll never get what I want. I don't deserve it." Quince helps us to release this old baggage with laughter, lightness, and humor. It defangs the old serpents of self-doubt and over-defensiveness and reminds us that we can meet life's inevitable challenges with movement and joy.
No relationship takes place in a vacuum. Same-sex couples live in
the world and interact each day with the people around them. Most of the time,
the interactions are positive, yet even today, even in the biggest, most liberal cities,
Flower essences can help. Mullein (shown here on the border) encourages individuals and couples to stand tall on their own terms and to take steps that nurture their individuality and strength. Eastern Red Cedar fosters strong positive thought, helping partners to support each other in the face of adversity or challenge. Yarrow adds a protective, vitalizing tone that helps counteract subtle or overt negativity. Hardy Orange encourages the healthy boundaries and appropriate defenses needed to create safe personal space. 
Finally, while traditional heterosexual relationships are often built on the premise that two "opposites" come together to "complete" each other, healthy same-sex relationships are enriched by an energetic mirroring in which partners reflect and support the fullness of each other's gifts and talents. To enhance this process, Live Oak flower essence encourages individuals to explore aspects of themselves brought into focus by their partners-- such as Patricia's appreciation for the world of dance that was awakened by her lover Sarah -- and to bring into expression the full measure of his or her creativity. Southern Magnolia promotes clarity and perspective for partners working to elucidate the dreams they share. It helps them to choose goals, align their desires, and create a path in life that is mutually satisfying and fulfilling. ABOUT THE AUTHOR: John R. Stowe creates EarthFriends Flower Essences and has worked to share their healing since 1984. He is author of Gay Spirit Warrior: an Empowerment Journey for Men Who Love Men (Findhorn Press, 1999, order it here) and Earth Spirit Warrior: a Nature-Based Guide to Authentic Living (Findhorn Press, Spring, 2002). He maintains a practice in body-centered therapy in Decatur, GA, where he lives with his partner of 18 years. Contact him by email. EDITOR'S NOTE: John has published two previous articles in Vibration: "Kudzu Flower Essence: Balanced Connection of Heart and Soul" and "Flower Essences Smooth the Path of Emotional Release". ART CREDITS: The drawings on this page are from Art Today
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every same-sex relationship bears an added burden of homophobia. This burden
might include the lack of basic legal protections that heterosexuals take for granted
like employment security and hospital visitation or inheritance rights. It might
include the fact that even the smallest public sharing of affection involves checking
to see how people around you will react. Even holding hands or exchanging a
kiss in the wrong circumstances carries the potential for public censure or even violence.
Though the risks might seem minimal to some, they still add a level of background
stress that tends to intensify other relationship challenges.