 You may at this very moment be thinking something like -- "Oh! Essences for difficult love relationships. I'm in a difficult relationship right now. I wonder what essences I should give my beloved to make things go better..."
Won't it be great when that other person will become (please pick the options that best fit your fondest wish) more/less sensitive, honest, gentle, loving, motivated, emotional, or intimate? Wow! When you give them the right vibrational essences, they'll become (again, pick the options that best fit your desires) more/less focused on you, fun, money, achievement, sex, hobbies, or the family. And you'll finally be happy, right?
Yeah. In your dreams, sweetheart. Only in your dreams.
This is where most of us start when we are unhappy in our relationships: with changing the OTHER person. But expecting to become happy because we've placed the responsibility for change on someone else is akin to pushing a string: at best, lots of energy for little or no progress. At worst, an ongoing campaign to "make" someone change can cause harm to or even destroy a relationship. (Essences for these concerns and those to follow will be given at the bottom of this article.)
Perhaps the most important change we can make when faced with a unfulfilling relationship is to heal our own need to change the other person in order to make us happy. Seeing another through loving eyes does not mean becoming blind to their need to grow or heal, but it does mean accepting and blessing them in all their human fragility.
 Now, here's the big secret -- you'll have to move closer to your screen now because I'm going to whisper it to you.
As you find yourself more and more able to love and accept your beloved, something surprising may happen -- something truly MAGICAL. Just when you find yourself letting go of the need for someone else to change to make you happy, you may find they actually DO start changing -- and in ways you could not even have imagined or hoped for. It's a delicious irony. Once we see what type of change they have made, the plans we had previously made for our beloveds' transformation might well seem narrow, unimaginative, controlling and rigid. Thank goodness they hadn't seen things our way!
Taking responsibility to transform ourselves, we stand our best chance of supporting transformation in others. How better to deeply move a person than if we can learn to patiently accept and love them the way they are -- warts and all? How can they remain unchanged as we are filled by the Divine Spark which resides within us, touching and drawing out the same in them?
This process is not guaranteed, however. When we start helping a relationship by healing ourselves, we may not find the other person responding. This may not be the right moment, stimulus or circumstance for them to change. Or their free will can choose to turn aside these opportunities for growth. While this may seem like a negative outcome, the situation may actually free us to seek a stronger and more healthy partnership, because we are stronger and more healthy.
If the relationship in question is destructive, dangerous or unsafe, being healed of the need to change the other person is particularly urgent. Waiting for them to change to stop the hurt is risky and likely to yield more pain, not less -- yet it is a common situation that keeps the relationship going, even on the shakiest of ground. In this case, focusing on healing the need to stay in a destructive relationship is where the energy may bear the best fruit.
Vibrational Essences can help with all stages of healing ourselves so we can love and accept our beloved -- or to leave the relationship. Here are a few suggestions below.
(Note: Essences alone may not be sufficient to allow you to leave a dangerous relationship safely. Used in conjunction with other help such as a good safety or exit plan developed with the aid of a strong support system, they can be very helpful. For an excellent summary of how to make an exit plan, see here. We strongly recommend finding professional help if you are looking to leave a destructive, abusive, or dangerous relationship, including when you want to use essences in this process. But we realize this is not always possible, so we include three essences, recognizing this subject deserves a much more in-depth treatment than we are able to give here.)
 Emotional Neediness: Almond (M, F), Bleeding Heart (Many), Chicory (B), Spurge (W)
Acceptance: White Clover (W), Apple (M, F), Beech (B), Blackberry (Many), Walnut (B), Pear (Many)
Open-Hearted Love: Calla Lily (F), Forget-Me-Not (F, A), Grape (M, W), Holly (B), Bleeding Heart (Many)
Detachment: Bleeding Heart (Many), Letting Go (W), Bounty (W), Dandelion (Many), Gladiola (W)
Destructive Relationships: (see note in last paragraph above) Echinacea (F, W), Black Cohosh (F), Sweet Chestnut (B), Desert Jointfir (D)
A=Alaskan; B=Bach/Healing Herbs; D=Desert Alchemy; F=FES; M=Masters; Many=made by many companies; W=Whole Energy Essences
About the Author: DEBORAH BIER, M.Ed. is the maker of Whole Energy Essences
and co-editor of Vibration Magazine. For more of her articles in Vibration Magazine, see here.
Art Credits: Hometown Websmith, Word of Mouth Web Design, and ArtToday.
The World Wide Essence Society does not mean to imply any recommendation of nor give certification to any individuals or companies above. This article is provided purely for informational purposes. We ask consumers to make their own determination as to quality of the services and products offered above. This article is not meant to be advice, and the information is not meant to replace medical or psychological treatment.
  
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